Friday, December 19, 2014

Today I lost my mind


Today I lost my mind:
  

It was one of those days when the terrible 2's seem a little more whiney. The screeches were like nails on a chalkboard . The baby wanted to nurse all day long. The laundry needed to be folded. Dishes are still sitting in my sink, toys are on the floor and clothes is thrown in the bedroom. 

I'm tired.

Today, I openly wished I was working mom again. I yurned for the adult communication. I wanted to talk to someone about anything other than timeout and clean up. 

Then something happened. My son saw my dispear and he came over and kissed me on the cheek and said "don't worry mom it's okay, I love you." In that moment in that instant I knew that no matter how I felt my children knew I was trying to be the best mom I can be.

Lord knows I'm not the stylish mom, with the latest skinny jeans and flats, with the perfect hair. I'm more the mom in yoga pants or the baggy sweats with the knotted hair and yesterday's make up. 

I'm okay with that, cause my children know I love them ❤️







Thursday, December 18, 2014

when your body fails you part 1

I have 2 beautiful children.

One off the wall 2 year old and a beautiful BLUE EYED 6 month old (who is technically a 3 month old.)  

This is my story about my our Journey.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was a summer.
It was a Monday and I felt like poo!
I was achy.
I was moody.
I wanted to crawl in bed.

Work could not end fast enough. I picked him up my son and drove him home. I was irritated with everything. I couldnt wait for 630 so I could put him to bed. As luck would have it, he wasnt having it. My husband came home at 930 and I handed Cam over.

 I couldnt take it anymore.

I was feverish. I was achy and I covered my head as to drown out the cries of my soon to be 2 year old. Around 11pm my son fell asleep and my husband who was defeated by the toddler lay down next to him.

That's when it hit me like a bolt of lightening straight to the stomach UTERUS! It was my first contraction. FIGHT or FLIGHT kicked in. I was mortified. I calmed down thinking it was those damn braxton/hicks. Then the next one struck. I froze in sheer terror.

My husband lay sound asleep next to the toddler.

I got up hoping I just needed a glass of water (maybe I was dehydrated.)

I went potty, and there in all its glory was my MUCUS PLUG!

Well damn!

I knew it I was in labor mode. But I couldnt be I am only 27 weeks. I fought with myself.  Its in my head I know it. Nope there is another contraction. Shooot! What do I do.

My husband woke to me pacing the bedroom. It was 1 am. "what in the heck are you doing?!" "I think I'm in labor" I reply. "You're only 14 weeks" he says sleepily. "27" I reply hastily. 

We went back and fourth til I called the doctor.

At 2 am we decided I should go get checked.

I packed a bag for our son to stay at my in laws and on our way went.

30 minutes to the hospital.

Its is now 3am and I felt guilty for waking my boys up, what if it was false. BAMMMM another contraction. 3 minutes apart.

We got to the hospital and I bolted to the maternity. 

The delivery nurses were standing there at the front desk. All looking at me and one asked me to sign in and for my insurance card. I grab the pen and doubled over another strike from contractions.

"How far along are you honey?" one nursed asked. "27 Weeks" I respond. Like mad men the woman practically carry me to a room. 

8cm dialted one yells.  Call her Doctor now! Get the C-section room ready! Call NICU!

It happened so fast.

It was 330am and I was scared shitless...
My name is JudyAnn.
I am a wife

I am a mother of 2.

I am a Christian

I am a babywearer

I am a breastfeeding machine

I am fighter

I am hopeful

I am a fitness "expert"

I am degreed

I am a chef in my sons eyes

I am mommy one more cup of milky

I am in need of a make-over

I am a survivor

I am ....


I am all of these things and then some. I am however not a writer. I'm not a fan of writing, I am doer.